We are all guilty of taking on new tasks or begrudgingly saying yes to an invitation to a social event even when our schedule is already jam-packed, in the belief that this will see the best results and lead to a greater sense of self-satisfaction and better relationships.
Amber Imber, an organisational psychologist, sees the flaws in this behaviour, however, pointing to the feelings of guilt, exhaustion, and even burnout experienced as the realisation that we are simply unable to live up to every one of these commitments in a world where time is finite starts to unfold.
Dr Amber, during a therapy session with ABC News AU’s Emily McGrorey, put forward the idea of incorporating a ‘to-don’t do list’, something that she herself was first introduced to by Oxord University trust fellow Rachel Botsman, as a means of identifying non-essential or postponable events.
I myself have at times found the presence of a to-do list in my life quite beneficial, finding the activity of ticking off items rather therapuetic. Since being presented with the potential benefits of a ‘to-don’t do list’, however, I have started to question whether some of the feelings of guilt and exhaustion we all feel at times, may be the result of taking on too much. Three words stuck out for me in particular: non-essential, postponable, and finite (this one struck a real chord).
It reminded me of something I had read on the culture of ‘busyness’ and the idea that despite feeling overhwhelmed by an ever-expanding to-do lists, enedless emails, and the demands of people eating into your own time, the need for the approval of others becomes intertwined with our inditenty, where their constant validation takes priority.
I have since started to implement a few changes in my life, adding not having my phone on after 10 PM and not responding to non-essential emails over the weekend to my own ‘to-don’t do list’. I believe it will take some time to make these new habits really stick, but the increased time given to myself certainly acts as a driving force. I imagine that there are still many areas of my life where I could seek to find a better balance, and maybe some of your ideas in the comment box below could trigger these changes.
What could you add to your own ‘to-don’t do lists? I look forward to reading some of your ideas below or in one of our one-to-one discussions.